One of the most vivid memories I had with my friends when I was little, like kindergarten little, was talking about how some day we would get to marry our best friend and have kids with him. I just remember when we would be talking what we would name our kids, I just had this overwhelming feeling that I wouldn't be able to have my own children. I know crazy thought, I was only 5 but I continued to have this feeling as I grew up. By the time I hit high school I was adamant I would have to grow my family some day through adoption and I accepted that. Looking back now, I see God's hand in growing our family my WHOLE life! I honestly believe he was preparing me for this journey.
Fast Forward a couple years, I met the man of my dreams. We got married. We had a great Godly marriage, 3 great dogs, 1 cat, great home, jobs, and a new business. Everything was falling right into place, except one thing, starting a family of our own. As most of you know, we went through a couple years of infertility appointments until we got the word that we were candidates for IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). We prayed a lot about this and felt like this was the right path for us so we started within a month.
It started out with tests, then some medication, and then 3 different shots a day for 10 days all while driving to Sioux Falls every other day for doctors appointments. Everything was going great. We could see God working through this whole process. From getting an over $1,000 procedure for free because of new equipment considering it a trial, to sharing with the nurses about Inward Beauty and the mission behind us, the journey was simply amazing! Literally every single nurse and doctor, receptionist, lab tech, etc we had was sooo amazing, we felt this was where God placed us.
After the 10th day, they wanted me to come in and retrieve my eggs because they were mature. I was pretty terrified at this point because I have never had surgery before, but I just kept holding on to God's truth to not fear. After the procedure, they explained that they retrieved 8 eggs, and that they would call the next day to call and update us on how many eggs were fertilized. We were pretty excited, because they say most times about half of the eggs fertilize, which we always talked about having 4 children!
The next day, we got a pretty disappointing phone call, only 1 egg was fertilized. We knew it only took one to get pregnant, and we were grateful, but just not what we planned. Since, there was only 1 embryo they had us come in for a 3 day Embryo Transfer, which landed on Mother's Day. How cool was that?! I thought to myself, we get to tell our child someday, this cool story about how they made me a mom on Mother's Day! What a gift!
The next two weeks were the worst. We went from doctors appointments literally every other day to none. We went from 3 shots a day to 1. It was quiet, too quiet. I couldn't twist, turn, lift a lot, and it seemed like the list went on, but I just kept telling myself, 'it's all worth it. You get your family you never thought you would have.'
Nick and I talked and prayed many nights for God to show us His Will for us having a family. We prayed so much, it hurt sometimes, because we knew the possibilities God has planned for us could very well be not our plans.
FINALLY the two week wait was over! Tuesday May 29 was the day I fully believed I was going to get a phone call saying we were expecting "Baby Buchanan." I got up, went to the lab to get my blood drawn, and in a couple of hours I got a phone call that would again disappoint. We weren't pregnant.
We went through all this time, effort, money, etc and all we got was one phone call that didn't make any of those things matter. The thing is, none of that matters. What matters is what our prayer was and is, "God, may YOUR WILL BE DONE." We know as hard as this trial is right now, God's plan for us is so amazing and better than the one we plan for ourselves.
Guys, this is the great thing about giving your life to Christ, we have hope in THE LIVING God! It doesn't mean we aren't heartbroken, because trust me, this is definitely the hardest thing we both have ever gone through, BUT with that: our marriage is stronger than ever, our faith has strengthen, and God has brought forth Godly people in our lives. This right here is worth it all! We know God has a great plan for us having a family. Whether it is blessing us with children through adoption or blessing us with children of our own someday through a miracle, we know that all good gifts come from God.
With this, I would ask for you to be faithfully praying for us and our family. Pray that God shows us His Will for us having a family. Pray for peace in our hearts knowing, that even though this isn't what we want, God's Way is the Best Way!